


the things i miss

by Jules1398



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Letters, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-28 01:06:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18201419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jules1398/pseuds/Jules1398
Summary: Emma writes a letter to Yann.





	the things i miss

**Author's Note:**

> i've been wanting to write this since season one was airing and i finally did it so enjoy!  
> [come say hi!](http://bihugo.tumblr.com/)

Yann,

I miss you. Plain and simple, I do. I miss your warm eyes, always filled with joy and kindness. I miss your wide smile and your loud laugh. I miss your amazing mind.

More importantly, I miss the moments that we shared.

I miss laying together on my bed after the longest of days, clasped in your arms, never feeling safer than I did when I was with you.

I miss the kisses that we shared, from the very first one, where I threw away everything to act upon to surge of my heart to be with you, until the last one, where my love was still just as strong as the first, but I knew it was time to say goodbye, and every kiss in between, in the good times, in the bad times, in our time.

I miss watching you and Lucas skate. You two were always both so good at it. I could sit there for hours, captivated by the sight of watching the two of you do kick-flips and other tricks that I never could be bothered to learn the names of.

Remember when you tried to teach me? I was absolutely hopeless at it., unable to stay on the board for longer than about two minutes at a time. I may have had the balance of a clumsy oaf, hell, I still do, but you were always so patient and encouraging with me. You wanted me to skate, not because it was something that you liked, but because you wanted me to succeed. When I eventually decided I had enough and gave up, you weren’t mad at me or relieved to be free of teaching me. You just accepted it and moved on.

I miss our most intimate moments. I’ll never forget my first time. You had done stuff with Ingrid before, so you were more experienced me, but I remember that you were nervous too. To be honest, it was a little awkward the first time and it kind of hurt, after all, we both still had a lot to learn, but it was still really good because it was us. It felt so right. More right than everything I’ve felt before or since. I miss it.

This is kind of stupid, but I miss sneaking around. Sure, keeping our relationship a secret from my best friend and from my family made me feel so incredibly guilty, but at the same time, it was kind of exciting. It was like we had this big secret passion that we were hiding from the rest of the world because we belonged together, despite what anyone else might say. Sure, when it all blew up in our faces, it was rough but, if only for a little bit, it was just all about us.

We didn’t go on a lot of actual dates, but I miss the ones that we did have together. My favorite was that one time that you tried to take me to a fancy restaurant, only to find that neither of could afford the food on the menu. Instead, we went to the Latin Quarter and found a fairly inexpensive burger place. I remember sitting there with you, dressed up all fancy, and getting looks from tourists like they were wondering if this was some sort of new French custom. I had an amazing time that night, even if we didn’t have fancy steak dinners.

Recently, Manon asked me if there was anyone new that I had my eye on. She said that the past year had been too focused on her and that she wanted to know how I was feeling. The truth is, there is nobody new. There’s just you.

When we broke up, I said that kissing you was a shitty decision. I don’t take that back. In fact, I still think that it’s the shittiest decision I’ve ever made in my life. I threw away everything to be with you and that wasn’t healthy.

I don’t regret it.

The loneliness, the jealousy, the tears, they all sucked. The time I spent with you was one of the hardest times of my life. It made question everything about myself and think I was one of the worst people on the planet. It was awful. But, oh, was it worth it.

All those times that I miss? They didn’t make the paint I felt go away, but they made it feel like it was worth something. Sure, I was hurting, but I was fighting for something greater. I fought for us until I couldn’t fight anymore and then I threw it away.

I don’t regret that either.

We were tearing each other apart. We needed time apart to grow into ourselves. I need to discover who I really was and, if I’m going to be completely candid, you had quite a bit of maturing to do to. Breaking up was the best thing for both of us.

Now, some time has passed. We’ve both grown a lot in the past year.

I still miss you and I hope you miss me too. I don’t know if it’s just wishful thinking, but deep in my heart, I feel like you miss me too.

We were never good at just being friends. Between keeping secrets and eventually growing distant, that was doomed to fail and now I miss you more than ever before.

I’m still in love with you, Yann.

I want to get back together with you. I know it might seem stupid considering how things ended before, but I think we really have a chance now. Emma and Yann, we were always meant to be together.

I want your smiles again. And your amazing mind. And your kisses.

But, for you, I’ve taken so many risks and, if I’m going to be honest with myself, they ended badly for me. They were worth it but, god, was it hard. I need something easy. I need us to be easy and I’m scared that it won’t be. I know I’ll never truly know, that the risks can’t be calculated, but I can’t go through something like that right now.

So, I won’t be sending you this letter. I don’t know if you’ll ever read it, but I hope one day you do. Maybe on our wedding night, I’ll leave it under your pillow, just so you know that I have never in my life stopped loving you. That I miss you so much that my heart aches every day. Because I do think there will be a wedding night in the distant future. I believe we’re going to end up together.

Because, in the end, it’s you and me. Even when we don’t have each other, we always will, in the end at least.

I love you, Yann.

I miss you, Yann.

-Emma


End file.
